oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it's like iHOP with fire
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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