highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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