why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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