It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
