we're chasing vodka with high fives
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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