Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
