garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my shit smells like andre
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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