this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
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You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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