when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
