Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
