I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
