When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
