I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
