Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
