i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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