I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
