Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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