Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
