I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
