Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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