I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize