Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
