I forgot how hot balto sounded
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
