We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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