I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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