and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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