You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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