whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
