the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
