I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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