it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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