I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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