You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
