I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
