We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
