Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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