Your mouth is God's brothel.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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