Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
