Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
