I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
