It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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