Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
