Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
