It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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