I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
