I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
