So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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