I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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