no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
