I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
