toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
