Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
