when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
