Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize