Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
