you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
