Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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