No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
