I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
