Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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