The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
