You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
40s are totally the cure
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
