I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
