i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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