ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
