Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
