Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
