She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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