hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I can text with my tongue
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
false alarm. still invincible.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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