Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
