I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
