I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
