tell your sister to shave her snatch
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
