omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it's like iHOP with fire
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
