so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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