I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize