yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
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why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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