Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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