did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
why is half of my head shaved?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
