ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
